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傻傻的我迷戀著你。總是傻傻的想有天或許你會看見我的付出,或許...我還有一絲絲的機會。 July 02 --抽的是烟,点的是寂寞--撕開錫鉑紙.煙盒內二十根煙整齊的排列 撕開自己.想念卻如何都無法排列的整齊 點上一根煙.點上心裡的想念. 我點了二十根想你的理由 卻找不到一根忘卻你的理由... 第一根煙: 從我的肺裡蕩出.我要它飄回第一次見你的那天. 去記住那個重要的日子... 第二根煙: 在我的手指間燒盡.. 我凝不住.你對我的第一個微笑.. 第三根煙: 如果我孤獨了.因為我是在想你 第四根煙: 因為我在延續上一根煙的想念 第五根煙: 火星是真實的.而你的那句喜歡你. 卻不能再在我耳邊真實了 第六根煙: 我在叫你老婆 你是否仍然愛聽? 第七根煙: 我揉碎了扔出了我的視線. 因為在上次的第七根煙. 我第一次聽到你對我說:"我生氣了." 第八根煙: 它是不是開始燻黑著我的肺 就像你哭紅的眼一直熏著我的心 第九根煙: 如果九就代表永久 那我在你和我的心門之間畫上大大的九 是不是就可以讓你在我的世界停的久點再久點... 第十根煙: 是太多煙迷濛了自己的周圍 還是眼睛根本早就看不清了? 第十一根煙: 除了你. 誰還會幫我數著.這是第幾根的灰燼了... 第十二根煙: 在我彈出去時. 我想問你.那濺起的火星是不是還像當時的樣子 可是.你在哪呢 第十三根煙: 我開始覺得冷了. 那你呢? 是不是也是一樣抖著.卻依舊要給我你的溫度. 直到你的掌心有了和我相同的冰涼 第十四根煙: 燙著了我的冰冷. 永遠沒有你給我溫度時的那份細膩 第十五根煙: 想起你連想著我都要重複著一二三的勇氣.. 這剩下的一小截煙 還能再抽三口嗎? 第十六根煙: 如果你在這些煙上都寫了字 當這些字都成灰燼 你是不是便在我的胸口了? 第十七根煙: 你坐上我的雙膝,拉著我的手放進你的衣兜裡,握緊... 是不是真的可以用別人的雙膝代替我? 第十八根煙: 如果你在下一個路口發現我不在了 你是繼續等我.還是追著我的步伐? 第十九根煙: 你說你喜歡我那雙瞇著的小眼睛 那你知不知道它為什麼濕了? 第二十根煙: 你說你去了.你相信你可以找到你的快樂. 那你如何還我另一個快樂? 你不在了.兩個快樂還可以相連嗎? 當最後一根煙抽完. 對你的想念是不是也能停下? 離開的日子我抽的煙何止是這二十根 我想你的理由何止是這二十根星火 但是一包煙.只有二十根 我抽了十九根.你都不在身邊. 那下一根煙.下一包煙燃起的時候. 我是不是還有想你的理由? 那是不是我轉身了.你就也要跟著轉身了.. 於是我們就該相信地球是圓的 於是我們就用一輩子,去賭上一個渺茫的下次重逢... 和你分開後,我每天都要抽好多的煙.. July 21 我的生日哇。。。
又老一岁了。。。
每年的生日都是那么的平淡。。。
很想有个浪漫的生日,和我最心爱的你。。。
过着二人世界,开开心心的过我的生日。。。
但是,总是觉得我的生日好象是一个诅咒。。。
经常在生日前都会发生很多不愉快的事。。。
让我和你总是没有这个机会在一起。。。
你过的好吗??
我好想念你。。。
遥远的你,也在想我吗???
还是和他在卿卿我我。。。
算了吧。。。
也该接受我的命运了。。。
我想也该习惯没有你的日子了。。。
希望这个诅咒快点消失吧。。。
让我能过个我向往的生日。。。
July 02 LeavingSO many things in my mind and heart that words simply cant explain.. Even if i tried, you would never understand. Its to a point where iv been drained completely of love. I dont know when it happened, and in hurting people iv come to realize i am not capable to love anyone. Even the warmest hug, the deepest kiss.. and effort to tell me how much i mean to you.. cannot bring a beat to my heart anymore. I dont know the reason why ive become cold, so i cannot find the source, and i cannot fix it. I no longer want to know why, no longer need to find reason. Iv decided to leave, because i have to many memories here, to many to forget to many to let go.. I cant remove them from me, so i choose to remove myself from them. The efforts that one does to make me stay only makes me ask, why now and not then? Its too late. One broken heart to late.. i no longer wish for anyone to pick up the broken pieces of my shattered heart and try to fix them. i have moved, or i will move on without them. They are fragments of you.. i will try to move on without. Although i may not be able to love again with my incomplete heart, i no longer look for love. Love doesnt feed, and my appetite has much changed. Once once before i could give it all up for love.. But now.. i would give up love .. This is what i have become and i cant deny myself of it. I think i could stay back for someone who could promise me forever... But this is something impossible, because forever cannot be promised and i know that very well. SO there is no need to alter my departure. June 27 再说一次 我爱你趁还来得及的时候 再说一次 我爱你 为什么总要等到失去 才悔恨当时不懂好好珍惜 为什么爱情经不起现实生活的试炼 明明相爱却无能好好相处 为什么时间一定要这么公平的对待每一个人 为什么不能给相爱的两人多一些时间 为什么不将寂寞的人的孤单时光缩减 为什么在别人的故事里清楚地看见解决之道 却在自己的故事里寻不着出路 不停止地执迷不悔 为什么总学不会 握住手中的幸福 现在你在哪里? 在做什么? 有没有 及时 地 再说一次 我爱你 June 23 my love...There are only three thing i want in my relationship....
The EyEs wont cry.....
Lips wont lie.........
and
The Love wont die......
June 20 A poem...I WHISPERED, "I am too young," And then, "I am old enough"; Wherefore I threw a penny To find out if I might love. "Go and love, go and love, young man, If the lady be young and fair." Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny, I am looped in the loops of her hair. O love is the crooked thing, There is nobody wise enough To find out all that is in it, For he would be thinking of love Till the stars had run away And the shadows eaten the moon. Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny, One cannot begin it too soon. June 19 the 1st time....hmm...
wat the 1st time of me i going to write...
1st kiss??
1st gf??
1st cigratte???
or other...
a lot of 1st time....
but i going to write smthg about that 1st time i fall in love deeply v someone...
the gal not consider very pretty, very charming, very cute...
if i show the photo of her...
all of my fren must be shock, y i will fall in love v her...
i must be kidding them...
she totally not my gf style...
maybe...
but i really fall in love deeply with her in a short period...
y..
i dunno oso...
love is one of the thing hard to explain...
i really love her a lot...
smthg like i can loss everything in my life but not her...
my friend always said that im so "lan shi"...
maybe i m too confident on wat i have or can do...
i agree that...
but one thing i really dun really have much confident on myself is love only...
love for me was smthg so horrorable...
y??
dunno, just a kind of feeling...
maybe i dunno like the feeling that i not really so confident on myself...
i think so....
so, 1st time i love a gal so much...
and also i hurt by a gal so much....
i hate the feeling of love already...
i like the nickname -Anti_LovE-.....
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